Stop Telling Me I Don't Speak "Enough" Spanish
I was recently asked by a friend to speak in Spanish when his girlfriend was present, and though it is not a ridiculous request, I was upset for a couple of reasons I'd like to go over.
But first, here's a super handy list of things you actually don't get to measure about other people:
- Their ethnicity
- Their identity
- Their skin color
- Their Native Language level (or even second language level)
You know why? Because it is none of your damn business.
To start, my friend's request upset me because it was made by his girlfriend, not him, but she asked him to tell me (even though she's my friend too). Second, the person I am in Spanish is a stranger to me and I feel like I'm being asked to put on a facade.
This may seem like nothing to you. In fact, you probably think I'm being [insert generic adjective used mostly for women]. But hear me out, yeh?
Some Context
I'm Colombian, like really Colombian. My parents are both Colombian and from there going up the tree I assume we're all Colombian until you reach rando Spaniard Restrepo who knocked up local babin' chick.
I can roll my r's (though not always on the first try) and I have all the hand gestures down. I love dancing salsa, especially by myself, or with a partner who already knows how to swing me around.
I love frijoles, and empanadas, and natilla, and buñuelos, and most other things that I "should".
My Spanish is my job. I [currently] teach Spanish for money to strangers who sit in front of their computers and idolize me as a cultural experience, they soak up my foreignness and breathe with relief when I explain that one thing they don't understand in perfect English.
I am a Colombian fantasy, and when I close out of a lesson I see myself in the screen and sigh.
Because I am also very American. I listen to NPR every morning when I wake up. I speak English most of the day. I read Colombian news in English. Most of my friends are expats who weave in and out of my life as their tourist visas allow. I live in Colombia because it's convenient, because it's beautiful and fun and easy.
The one time I tried Tinder out (lawd, never again) my bio said "I'm not here to teach you Spanish". But I was still disgustingly exoticized; blown off if I wasn't down for whatever Colombian activity they wanted me to teach them.
What is Colombian "enough"?
When things like this happen, I wonder: am I not Colombian enough?
Should I hide my curly hair and get my nose touched up? Should I stop speaking English because it's inconvenient for others? Perhaps I should just hide that I ever lived in the U.S. at all, like I did that one time I worked as a waitress and heard some guy talk about how he jerked it before his date the previous night.
So, I made a list of things that apparently "aren't Colombian enough" about me:
- My English
- My Spanish
- My [small, natural] boobs
- My clothing choices
- My introverted ways
- My friends
- How I'm not "family oriented"
- How I text (directly and to the point)
- My punctuality
- My emails (see "texts")
- My wage
- My curls
- My nose
- My little fat pockets on my body (that I rather enjoy)
- .... to be continued.
In the end, I asked my friend to not ask me to change the language I socialize in. He understood, which was lovely, but that doesn't mean this hasn't come up a million times since then. Because it's not just the Spanish thing. It's me. I don't fit in a box.
So, that's my struggle right now, that one thing which may or may not upset me on any given day. But, if ever you wanna give me shit for any of these non-Colombian traits, here's a handy gif to reference:
